3 Things You Can Do To Help Your Family
One of the funniest things to me that I’ve also been guilty of is how sure dads can be when answering questions. When asked a question, we can seemingly throw out an answer like it’s gospel without a single source we can cite. We just know. I’m not saying anyone who’s done this is wrong! I’ve seen many dads be correct in these scenarios, I’ve also seen many be dead wrong.
When my wife and I learned that she was pregnant, I really didn’t worry too much. I honestly didn’t think that it would be that hard. I always thought that I was pretty good with kids; I was always involved in various parts of children’s ministry and I’ve done my fair share of babysitting young children growing up. How hard could this be? I entered dad mode and was so sure I would have all the answers. Boy was I wrong!
I think most parents would agree that there are few things more humbling than being a parent. There’s nothing like following the doctor’s instructions to the “T” on how to help your baby sleep and then your baby refuses to listen to said instructions. What!? I had no idea what “latching” was for babies who were nursing. I didn’t know that babies could have preferences over different formulas or that some bottles worked better for some babies than others. What a world I just entered in and it was only just the beginning.
In those moments of ignorance, I did what many husbands do regarding their children, I asked my wife. I leaned on her (new as well) motherly wisdom. “How do you swaddle her?” “How many ounces does she drink now?”, “How do I get her to sleep?” were some of the many questions that I REGULARLY asked my wife. Truth is, she was as new as I was to parenting as I was. She sure seemed a lot more sure than I was though. One day, she finally said, “Honey, I can’t be the only one who knows these things. You’re going to have to research and learn also.”
Research? So all along, it wasn’t her maternal instincts kicking in and answering our daughter’s seemingly endless needs correctly every time. Part of it probably was. A larger part of it was probably the numerous articles and charts she had stored on her phone.
Something I learned from playing football is that preparation often leads to opportunities. Knowing what the offense likes to do can lead to a defensive player making a play on the ball via an interception, a sack, a forced fumble, etc. My wife did her research and was prepared for the different scenarios that arose. I did not do my research. I was reactive rather than proactive. That humbled me and changed the way I approached parenting forever. I needed to be honest that I didn’t know what I didn’t know and that I needed to learn.
3 Step Something
So, what are some of the things we can do to help ourselves, our wives, and our children? Let me break this down into a three-part (fill in the blank–you choose!).
Self-evaluate - You need to have an honest self-evaluation of what you know and don’t know. This takes a certain level of humility. So whether this is “how do I lead my family?” or “how do I change a diaper?”, you need to know whether or not you know. Easy enough right?
Seek Wisdom - You don’t know everything, and that’s ok! It’s actually very freeing. More than that, go seek wisdom. God blesses those who seek wisdom.
Proverbs 4:7 tells us: “The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight.
Proverbs 3:13 says, “Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,”
Know what you don’t know and take it upon yourself to seek wisdom. Ask others who have been there before. Ask older dads how they did it, read books and articles, listen to audiobooks and podcasts.Do it together - You and your wife will have different roles in your family. One of you will probably have a heavier role in care taking than the other. My wife certainly had more of the lion’s share of the feedings, diaper changes, hands-on stuff. She was a stay at home mom and that’s ok. I went to work during the day and when I came home, I made sure to be involved in my baby’s life and care taking also, i.e. bathing, washing bottles, diaper changes, etc. Bottom line is, you're doing it together, so communicate and figure out what works for your family.
Genesis 2:18 says, “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Without trying to draw too much from this verse, all I want to point out is that God made man and woman to work together. Raise your children together.
Conclusion
There are better ways to live than “figuring it out on the go”!
Let’s go back to football for a bit. Some of the most exciting plays that happen on offense is when things break down. The defense has figured out what you want to do or they’ve covered you perfectly. Play breaks down and now the superstar quarterback has to go off script. He evades the first and then the second defender, and lobs it deep downfield for a wide open receiver who then races into the end zone. Those are great, but if we’re honest, it rarely happens that way. More often than not, the play breaks down, chaos ensues, lesser quarterbacks will try to make a play and fail miserably ending in sacks, interceptions, or loss of yards. Better quarterbacks will end the play and live to see another play. The best quarterbacks know why the play broke down and because of that knowledge, they are able to move into a better position to possibly make a great play. Preparation often leads to opportunities even in inopportune times.
Every quarterback will tell you that they prefer that every single play called will work exactly as it was designed to. That rarely happens. Same with parenting. We can have routines down to the minute of when our children are supposed to eat and sleep and something will throw a wrench into those plans. One night time routine will work yesterday, but for some reason it won’t work today.
These scenarios are endless and plans often go awry. However, your journey will be many times less frustrating if you can admit that you don’t know everything, seek the wisdom for what you don’t, and together with your wife, act on what you can learn. My journey as a dad has not been and is still not easy. I’ve taken it upon myself to be a lifelong learner and I hope that you will do the same, because in the end, don’t these principles apply to so many other aspects of our lives?
God bless.